my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Randomize
