He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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