Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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