I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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