They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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