I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
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It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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