i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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