I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
