my phone needs a breathalizer
no you cant smoke seaweed
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
