Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
