Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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