You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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