I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.