My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.