I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.