In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.