my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
