So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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