I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
