period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
