theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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