it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
