I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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