I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
