were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
