My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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