It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
