So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
