at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize