I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
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She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
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the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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