Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
