I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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