How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
