Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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