Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
