Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
