You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
