The best revenge is premature balding
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
