you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
