Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
