I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
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I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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