i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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