I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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