she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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