If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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