It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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