How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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