girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
