Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
