I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
