If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
