Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
