He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
