The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
