Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
