I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
