Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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