Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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