I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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