Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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