Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
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She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
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That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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