I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
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Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
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That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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