i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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