Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
