We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Small penises have feelings too.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
