I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize