He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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