love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
